This is a subject I’ve been dancing around for a while, but this week was a struggle and writing is cathartic for me.  Plus, on Wednesday a friend told me, “I really appreciate how open you are about your struggles,” which I took as a sign to be super transparent about my current state of health.  Why not?  Maybe it could help someone.  Buckle up, friends.  Normally, my Sunday link-up post with Deborah and Kim is about my progress towards a running goal, currently the Chicago Marathon.  But with the way this week, and really, this whole month has been, I feel the need to write about the progress towards another goal: getting my period back.

I haven’t gotten a period in about six to eight years (I know for sure it’s been six years, but when I really start counting, I think it could be closer to eight).  Between my eating disorder, marathon and ultramarathon training, high chronic stress and anxiety, my period left and hasn’t come back.   I thought it was a sign that I was “doing things right” for marathon training.  That I was thin enough and light enough to run the times that I wanted to run.  Lots of women don’t get their periods when they’re training hard, so I thought it was normal.  In fact, for years I took pride in not getting my period.  Luckily, now I can recognize that thought pattern as garbage.  That’s a one-way ticket to an injury or short running career.  Women NEED periods.  They’re a vital sign of health.

Secondary amenorrhea is the technical term for when a period disappears.  During the years that I worked on recovering from my eating disorder, I thought that a period would quickly return.  I had increased weight, body fat, dietary fat…. but no sign.  Then I learned that it could take up to a year AFTER implementing all the necessary changes to get a period back.  It’s been a year, at least. Come on Period, WHERE ARE YOU?!

Finally, earlier in May, I decided to test my hormones to see on a deeper level what was going on.  The results were pretty depressing.  If it was a hormone, I was low in it.  Low estrogen, low progesterone, low testosterone.  Basically, these eight years of amenorrhea have placed me into a sizeable hormonal hole that requires a LOT of attention.  Fuck.  Getting my period back will be a lot harder than I imagined.

What can happen if hormones stay that low for that long?  Bone loss is a big one, since estrogen influences how the body uses calcium.  After a DEXA Scan to check my bone health, I let out a sigh of relief.  At least my bones were still ok.  But an imbalance in estrogen, progesterone and testosterone also influences the brain, body temperature, cholesterol, stress and anxiety levels, fluid retention, red blood cell production, body composition, collagen and joint health, insulin, the cardiovascular system and more.  ALL THE THINGS.  So getting my hormones back into balance is a big deal for my health, and my running, and has become my main concern of late.

After a month of going back an forth on what to do, I decided to try taking synthetic hormones.  My doctor said we would try to “kickstart” my hormone production in order to stimulate the natural process.  We started in July, and it has been AWFUL.  My heart rate has increased, blood pressure increased, I’ve gained more weight and body fat, I am sweating a ton more, I’ve been depressed and crying ALL THE TIME, and my running progress has fallen off a cliff.  This Thursday, I stopped three times on a run because I started bawling and couldn’t breathe.  Last week, the same thing happened.  I’ve been miserable.

My body just doesn’t feel right.  My emotions are out of whack.  My vitals are out of whack.  The pursuit for a period continues, but I am kind of at a loss what to do.  All I want to a healthy body, a healthy mind, and running to feel GOOD again.  But I don’t think these synthetic hormones are the best option for me.  A friend recommended a 30-Day hormone balancing protocol that focuses on nutrition and “eating for your cycle.” I am going to try out some of the nutrition recommendations and see if I feel better.

Getting my period back and getting my hormone levels up will take a LOT of work.  But I know that it’s important for the longevity of my health and running career.  If you’re still reading, thanks for bearing with a more personal post.  Unfortunately, amenorrhea is too common in sports, so I hope by sharing my bumpy journey through it all I can help others navigate more smoothly.  If anyone has a similar story, please reach out and share anything that helped!

Happy running,

Becca

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